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Expecting The Unexpected?

The best thing about unexpected guests - yes, there is a best thing - is that you have no expectations.

Until a few years ago I thought a phone call announcing the imminent arrival of an unexpected guest qualified as an obscene phone call. Now I can be ready in minutes.

First, I postpone the arrival of the guest until after dark. Then the dirt on the windows won't show.

Second, because dust is less noticeable on light furniture, I dust only the few dark pieces we still have. If I know the guest is short, I don't bother to dust above my eye level.

Third, if the weather is cool, I light a fire in the living room. A fire gives worn cushions and spotted carpet a cozy glow. Warm weather, however, is much better for an unexpected guest. I just have to hose off the patio furniture and pick the dead blossoms off the plants.

What do I do if the guest can't be postponed? I play a classical CD, put on lounging pajamas worn only for this specific purpose and create the melodious impression I'm to worldly for mundane housework.

It's all a matter of staging. A new bar of soap in the powder room contributes to my unsoiled reputation. I also put out the special guests towels, which are unsoiled because they are used only as props.

If time allows - which means if I have time to get to the florists and back - I display at least two bouquets of fresh flowers. This plants the idea that I'm one of Mother Nature's ladies of leisure.

Shakespeare said, "All the world's a stage, and all the men and women merely players". Fortunately, most guests don't expect their visit to be a major production; but they do expect a dinner show.

If the show must go on, it's a barbeque because my husband doesn't mind cooking if he can arm himself with large utensils and cook outdoors. Coffee is the final curtain - no encore.

We used to have a convertible sofa in the living room. Not any more. It looked too inviting to guests who didn't want to spring for a hotel bed.

Yes, with a bit of staging I can enjoy unexpected guests; but only one unexpected visit per guest. Both Goldilocks and Jack of bean stalk fame were unexpected guests and you know what happened to them.